One of the greatest rahmat for me, when I can stare out of the window
while drops of rain wash up the ground. The tranquility of life,
achieved with endless thankful thoughts how I wished this situation
can last forever. At least, for now =)

I was attending an interview yesterday. Whilst some hopeful candidates
stared bluntly at their respective panel room, I was having
butterflies in my stomach. My confidence level was so high, I thought
my stomach, brain and heart would have shattered to pieces of meat and
blood anytime soon [hyperbolic, urm~]. The moment I walked into the
room, I was warmly greeted by two interviewers. My bad, I didn’t ask
their names (iskh!). The questions and answers session went so well,
up until one point, I had to make a decision between futher up my
study and become an educator until I’m 58 yo, or, I can go back and do
what I’m doing right now, building up my business. *headache*

I didn’t remember how exactly I had answered the question. My brain
was working out so fast, I must have blurted out the inappropriate
answer. Very true, who says earning your own money from your own
effort is not fulfilling, they are lying. I enjoyed looking through my
ledger book, put on my broadest smile after I’ve finished up my
calculation for every day’s sales. It’s a self-accomplishment when I
know with that amount of money I’ve earned, I can plan a bigger
preparation for what my business should be look like in the next 5,
10, or 50 years. But something is a missed somewhere. I’m building up
a legacy for my own sake, for my own family, for my own comfortable
world. I think I’m being a little too self-centered.

If I can become a millionaire through this business, I am not paying
my debt for the society. But if I can sacrifice my so-called dream of
becoming a millionaire as fast as I possibly can and instead, with the
knowledge, expertise and dedication that I have, I can turn it into
building and nourishing thousands of other kids or students or
entrepreneurs out there to become millionaires in the future, why on
earth not? The end purpose for me becoming one is very clear. I want
to help other people. And the means of other people can be either my
family and the society.

But helping from what way?

And how?

Why?

With the deterioration of human’s value nowadays, can I actually
afford to become selfish by getting rich individually? Can I actually
achieve ultimate happiness by having a seven-figure money inside my
bank’s account? Can I visit places in the world with my Louis
Vuitton’s luggage while people from my race are craving for food in
their very own country? Do I actually have the heart to wear expensive
shoes and clothes while my people suffer from poverty? LemonVanilla
Foundation For Kids might as well play it’s role, but until when?

If I have not given the chance to do my bit in educating them now, who else would?

And how?

On my way back from KL to home, up until this very moment, I cursed
myself for not letting these opinions out. True, earning money with
you becoming your own boss is heaven. Work according to your own
timetable is another one. But I sincerely don’t want to live with the
guilt engulf and haunt me over the next 50 years or so. I want to
educate people. And if I am shortlisted, I can be more than glad to
serve for the society. Name it Mukah or any other part of the nation,
I have no regret for this.

For those praises sir, I do want to become a great entrepreneur. No
doubt. But as far as my heart and soul are concerned, I would love it
more if I can produce thousands more of great entrepreneurs, let alone
me. I know what I want. And I hope God will show us the right path.
Amiinn.

*Special bunch of thanks to MR V for your assist!I know you love me ;P *

I tried to cheer myself up after I accidentally dropped a tray full of fat doughnuts directly on the floor this morning. Tears started to roll down on my cheeks as there was nothing I could do to rectify the problem. My client was coming over in the next 30 minutes. My hopeful wish of serving hot, fresh doughnuts for her was demolished by my own carelessness. The order was then cut down to half. Shoot #1.

I quickly priced my buns and made my way out of home. Tears were pouring. My vision was blurry. I stopped by the mosque to calm myself down. Never thought disappointment was my weakest point. I could have survive pressure, tension and (lots of) critics but not disappointment. I should get this one fix, ASAP. My first stop was Petronas. As how you could imagine, my mind was not that straight so, I’ve wrote down the bill wrongly and made my way back to the station as I forgot to collect my already-expired items; humiliating myself again with those puffy eyes and red nose. Shoot#2.

MU lost to Fulham, shamefully. And NS NAZA only managed a draw with UPB MyTeam. Shoot #3.

My aunts and uncle justified my ability (or in other word, my rezeki) on how I was called for an interview I shouldn’t have gotten at the first place since their requirement contradicts with mine. Some of my mother’s friends thought that it could have been an insider’s work. I sighed and I kept mum. Manusia zaman sekarang memang begitukan? Prejudis lagi jumud? I sent those paperwork and forms, true. But I never wish for a shooting star that I would be shortlisted. I (fortunately) did and I thanked God. And I don’t need some congratulatory wishes. Bukankah begitu lebih baik? Shoot #4.

I went out with my sister for a chicken chop’s takeaway. The meal was lousy and I had to pay MYR8 for a greased, 95% cooked chop with some cold fries and pieces of wilted salad accompanied with some unidentified tasteless, thick sauce. Maybe they had added in some secret, expensive spices in that sauce, eh? Shoot #5.

My so-called officer replied my short message with a number of cheerful words and exclamations. I puzzled and I pondered if he had read my blog (Nah! Let’s just hope he won’t!)

I wonder what’s next~

Salam everyone.

Today has been quite a disaster. My so-called officer in duty had broke my heart by saying a few things which had definitely tore all of my respect in the world for him. Wrecked apart. By having a bad morning, with a 3 hour-sleep the night before, I switched on the air-conditioner and took my afternoon nap with great anger. Didn’t anyone care about how to take care of a person’s feeling anymore? I was downgraded a few thousands of times before. None of those I paid a single attention to. All the skeptical looks, cynical and hypocrite faces had been my bittersweet symphony for these past few years. I had grown matured enough to tell the difference between good and evil. People can act as nastily as they pleased but I won’t treat them back in the same way. Enough of the unnecessity of a human’s ethics. We have becoming more rude each day. We envied other people’s perfect frame of life. We held grunges, we acted good while deep inside, we planned on  comtemplating a first-degree murder on that particular someone. We faked our smiles. We live in a phony environment. I’m not certainly one of those. In fact, I actually hate to be patient on these type of people. Today has another story.

What makes a person thinks that by earning a degree and having the pleasure to sit on a nice leather comfortable chair in his very own office can allow him to treat people any differently? What makes he thinks that any lay person around speaks no better English than him? What makes he thinks that with the highest position of the department under his belt entittles him to be so freaking rude? He drove me nuts. We, the ‘ordinary’ people, were the ones who actually paid the taxes for the sake of his salaries. We were the ones who paid for his big table and computers and his precious chair! And he has an ‘amanah’ to dwell around with. A very humangous ‘amanah’ from and for us, these ‘ordinary’ people! Did he aware of that?

Push aside all the egoism in the world for the sake of earned respect and adore. I make mistakes too. Nobody will ever come close to perfection. But please, his (accidental? nope!) sarcasm remarks left me blank stare at one point until I figured out that I’ve been praising off the wrong person all these while.

As if he cares.. How devastated!

I certainly will experience a nightmare tonight~

Salam to everyone.

It has been a busy weekend, by the time I thought I would have done the worst while producing and delivering, my client, on the other hand, had been so patient and understanding. Thank you, Kak Syima. It was an honour to have served you, though I felt terrible upon the delay. We were both not feeling well, super-busy with our duties respectively and yet, we kinda made it through. Hope that you’ll get well soon, as how I am here.

Memang sangat sibuk. 2 jam tidur untuk 2 hari. Can you believed that? All in all, it’s my asam-garam of life. In fact, it’s the norm for every entrepreneur. We play around the clock, we work and we rest as we let ourselves to. When the time required for sleeping has to be used for completing a client’s order, I have no complain. The deprivation could have easily overcome the task, but satisfying a client is much more worth it. At some points, half of my brain wasn’t working at all. 1 batch of chocolate chips muffins were rejected as I forgot to add in the sugar. I ran out of eggs and I have to went out at almost 1 a.m., finding for some and lucky there’s a grocery shop in Melang that was opened. I got scolded (yes, at this age, I still got scolded) by my dad for that action I’ve taken. No harm’s done. I know he loves me

After all, when I finally managed to complete my client’s orders, I know that I’ve tried my best. I remembered Jay Abraham’s words of wisdom on how an entrepreneur should under promise and over deliver in order to satisfy a new customer/client. I’d keep that in mind.

By Sunday morning, my head ached, as well as my right shoulder and left ankle. My flu worsen and I’ve taken double the PCM I’ve taken all year round. But I was sick with a bloomed heart. I knew I’ve done all I can possibly do to serve my clients and I hope they were happy too.

Here were some pictures taken. Some tak sempat nak ambil Till then, good night.

Salam to everyone~

Time has taken it’s toll when I finally got down with fever and flu yesterday. I was tossing and turning on my bed from morning, struggled to open up my eyes when Kak Hawa, my financial advisor, called to inform that she’s coming over. After she departed, I swallowed down 2 green PCM and went back straight to the bed (again). Sounded very passive and weak, I know that my body wanted me to rest.

When I finally woke up around 5 pm, I went straight to the kitchen, ate a small plate of fried macaroni, swallowed another PCM and started my production. A few missed calls on the phone were not returned, nor were a few messages. By now, my production has been all done. I took a few spoonfuls of fried rice and probably another pill later on. I need my rest. I’ll return those calls tomorrow.

Best regards and good night.

Salam to all.

Thanks Kak Syima for placing this order.

I wonder when’s mine? ^_^

When everything you hope you would have done right has been wrongly defined by your loved ones, it feels awfully sucks.

When every point has been considered from every angle for everyone’s sake, you hurt the most while they’re happily smiling.

When you hope that your patience will be paid off, the troubles amounted.

When you want the best for them, they happened to misinterpret the whole story.

When you thought you’ve done your best, they still feel it’s never enough.

I know it’s extremely difficult to satisfy other people but then, I should try to learn to not taking it personally.

God, please bear with me~

He’s adorable, doesn’t he?

This is my latest birthday cake order. By this weekend is another ‘hantaran’ cupcakes with apple pie and some brownies. Coming Friday is another order for SM Zaaba’s kiosk – 100 pieces of sweet buns ( Thank you Puan Rohana)

Yup. I’m keeping up. Siapa cakap buat roti senang, memang penipu =P

I went to the bank yesterday. While I was waiting for my turn, I could see a few women with very VERY plain and simple attire, depositing a VERY huge amount of money into their respective accounts. They were quite casual. No designer handbags, larger-than-the-face sunglasses, nor that they wear any make-ups or high heels. They smiled gracefully, chatted at ease. And God, I felt touched. I did! I didn’t judge people with their money. I didn’t judge people base on their appearances either. It’s just that these wonderful women were super humble, a great attitude which is difficult to build; any person with sane mind should willingly adore and admire to. I looked up at them with great awe, realized that I’ve learned a great lesson yesterday.

I know you should too

Best regards.

Salam buat semua.

Saya rasa lebih tenang hari ini. Dugaan datang dan pergi. Saya senyum dan kecewa berkali-kali. Tapi hari ini, saya senyum lebih dari sekali. Tidak ada lagi sekelumit kecewa itu di hati. Seakan ada satu suara asing yang menolak saya keluar dari aura negatif itu. Aman. Tenteram.

Allah Maha Adil. Saya tidak ada hak untuk menuding jari mengatakan si polan itu bersalah, si polan itu cuba menindas saya yang lemah lagi naif ini. Tidak. Tidak seharusnya saya menggigit lidah sendiri dengan berbuat demikian. Mungkin desakan hati itu lebih kuat mencengkam jiwa, jauh di dasar hati, saya seakan-akan bermonolog yang saya seharusnya tidak dilayan sedemikian rupa. Hak saya seperti dicabul lalu diketawakan. Walaupun di dalam perniagaan memerlukan kesabaran yang tinggi, saya tidak dapat lari dari membuat justifikasi ke atas si polan itu. Walaupun sebetulnya, ada hikmah yang tersembunyi yang belum Allah tunjukkan. Saya akur. Saya harus teruskan melangkah.

Sometimes we need to trust that our disappointments may truly be opportunities in disguise.

Hari yang menarik. Seawaljam 6.11 pagi sudah ada mesej yang hadir untuk pesanan. Pelan untuk mencuci kereta tertangguh lagi. Langit seakan mendung. Kemudian hujan renyai-renyai dan panas kembali. Bertemu dengan beberapa lagi sahabat usahawan yang saya kira banyak memberi ’suara semangat itu’ dikala saya memerlukannya. Alhamdulillah. Takdir Allah itu cukup indah.

Beberapa iklan di dada akhbar menarik minat untuk pergi bercuti. Alangkah aman, jikalau dapat melihat pantai di waktu senja, mengejar ombak, bermain pasir dan air. Saya rindukan pantai dan ketenangan itu. Mudah-mudahan rancangan bercuti saya dipermudahkan, insya-Allah.

Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him

-Alduos Huxley-

Salam hormat.

Salam buat semua.

Ironinya post kali ini ditemani satu perasaan yang lebih kurang sama seperti post yang terdahulu. Rahmat dan ujian kali ini tiba pada waktu yang sama. Untung dan rugi dialami serentak, walaupun pada hakikatnya, kerugian itu mampu dielakkan. Alhamdulillah Tuhan, atas nikmat rezeki itu. Kerugian itu, ya, saya akur ini adalah satu lagi ujian.

Saya kecewa dengan sikap sesetengah manusia. Pantang lihat orang lain berjaya barangkali. Indahnya Allah gerakkan hati saya untuk menyiasat, dan hasilnya, ya, produk saya disabotaj. Walaupun kejadian ini menduga kesabaran, yang sebetulnya saya confront ‘manusia’ itu, tetapi tidak, saya tidak mampu lakukan. Kemarahan itu saya pendam. Saya yakin Allah akan memberikan balasan yang setimpal. Apa yang pasti, kejadian ini menghilangkan ‘production mood’ saya pada hari ini. Saya tahu saya tidak patut terbawa-bawa dengan perasaan itu, tapi tidak. Saya tidak dapat menafikan kekecewaan itu. Mujur ibu saya memahami. Walaupun ayah mungkin tidak.

Apa yang digambarkan sebagai asam garam perniagaan ini memang sukar untuk saya tempuhi. Mungkin ada baiknya saya diuji di kala saya masih lagi baru. Saya yakin kekebalan mental dan emosi itu mampu dibina, sedikit demi sedikit. Apa yang saya fikirkan perlu saya lakukan adalah saya sebetulnya tidak akan menyamakan manusia-manusia lain sepertimana ‘manusia’ itu. Walaupun pada hakikatnya, persepsi saya mungkin  berubah. Pandangan saya berbeza kini. Saya tahu saya perlu lebih matang. Perkara yang lebih hebat akan berlaku. Saya perlu bersedia.

…. I am commanded only that I serve Allah and I ascribe unto Him no partner. Unto Him I cry, and unto Him is my return ….

Ar-Ra’d : 36

Esok, pelbagai perkara yang perlu saya lakukan. Untuk para pelanggan, saya harap mereka dapat mengandaikan alasan yang munasabah di atas ketiadaan produk saya di atas rak. Saya perlu menyiapkan kertas kerja yang dipinta oleh pihak Kementerian Belia dan Sukan. Saya perlu juga memilih resipi yang sesuai untuk penghantaran produk ke Pesta Makan-Makan di Penang. Dan saya juga akan menyambut hari lahir adik kesayangan saya yang ke -18 esok. Merancang sesuatu yang istimewa buat beliau, memandangkan beliau telah banyak membantu saya di dalam perniagaan yang baru bermula ini. Insya-Allah, harap-harap segalanya berjalan dengan lancar.

Dan harapnya juga, MU akan memenangi kejuaraan yang ke-2 untuk musim ini sebentar lagi

Salam hormat.