Salam and hello everyone.

At the time of writing, my stomach growls. Not because I had been working so hard today although it didn’t had any much change than any other day as an entrepreneur – busy – but, my mind was not that straight, I lose my appetite to eat. I had a bunch of orders, try to keep everything in compose, adjusting my time and schedule so that I can deliver my products prompt and fresh. But then again, deep inside my heart, I wish I could slow down, have some rest and do some thinking.

The thought of parting away from my dearest parents had haunted me for days. I’ve tried to be happy for them, but God knows how I had fought back tears in such intense way; my eyes would have popped out anytime soon. I had been away from home for almost a decade. I rejected irresistible job offers in KL. I postponed several plans, created a few dreams and voila : I am safe and sound in this love-filled house of ours. I thought life wouldn’t get any better than this, but somehow, HE definitely has other plans for me.

Silly me if I can’t be independent at this very age of 22. If I can survive the past 10 years by growing matured on my own feet, why on earth not now? It sounded hopeless; claiming myself strong and superior, that I somehow can survive this pain effortlessly, while all in all, my heart’s shattered to fleshes. I lost the comfort that I’ve longed for so long, I did feel like a kid again; hunger for all the love in the world my parents could have spared for me.

It’s easier said than done. Something big is amiss somewhere. An obligation of doing something right has vanished. The thought of me treating them with great concern and care had gone. This is the highest point of my life, where I had started to earn my own money, although it is not that much; the moment and time where I, literally speaking, started to feel great about myself by paying my debt to the family.

I achieved something.

I earned a decent money.

I lead a simple life.

I am capable of making my parents happy.

I want to make my family proud of me.

I want to run errands for them.

I want them to stop worrying about me and instead, let me do the worry for them.

I did some of those, And I’m planning to continue doing so for as long as I live. But now that I know, they will be worried sick about me once they set foot in Kangar. They are planning to buy a new car, not for them, but for me. They’ll be leaving pocket money and cards and God-only-knows what else for my conveniences. Gosh, I’m feeling so, so not a very good daughter again~

When I do feel that I shall not put them in any possible way of uncomfortable displeasure, I am hammered to the ground, knowing that I am helpless in not doing so. Again, it makes me feel guilty to the bone. Neighbours to look after me. Friends to drop by and checking around. To have my aunts and uncles opening up their doors whenever I feel lonely. I hate being a burden, an extra luggage any person with a sane mind would not want to carry behind their back. I know I shouldn’t get carried away with this thought but I can’t help it. I am an adult. And yet, the picture of having outsiders taking care of me is not what I had in mind. So does with me can’t be able to take care of my parents. It does feel sucks.

Where’s my optimism anyway?

My beloved ayah and mak, promise me that you’ll take a very great care of yourself as I will too.

Promise me that you won’t be worrying so much about me.

Promise me that you won’t be working so hard, I wish I could trade your place with mine; let me do all the work in the world for you.

Promise me that you’d pray for my sanity since GOD only knows how much I wish I could spend every second of my life with both of you by my side.

And I promise, with HIM watching all over me, I will do good and be good, just as how proud I am to be born as your daughter. I’ll take care of myself, insyaAllah.

God, please, take a very great care of ayah and emak for me.

YOU know how much I love them.

Best regards.